I’m allergic.

To what?, you ask?  That’s simple.  To almost everything.  I’m allergic to pollen, too much pet hair, too much pope, the economy… everything.

Yes, I’m allergic to the pope.  We all do stupid things in our youth, yes.  Underage drinking, skipping class to hang out with other classmates, joining the Hitler Youth- we all make mistakes.  But, we usually don’t walk around and say that we’re God on earth, or whatever the Catholics believe the Pope is.  He’s all over the news, and people are excited about seeing him.  I wish someone would tell me, because I really don’t see the appeal of some 80 something year old white guy.  Yeah, I like older men… but that’s pushing it for me.  He just doesn’t do it for me.

The economy?  Yeah, I’m allergic to the gas prices, inflation, food prices, sucky dollar, etc.  How am I supposed to have any kind of living, when everything costs so much?  I know… I can turn to a life of crime!  I can rob banks, and trains, and be an outlaw!  What?  Train travel isn’t as popular?  No one has money?  Well, that plan won’t work.  I kind of don’t want to go to jail either.  I’ve seen movies, and I’d probably be dead or crazy in the first few hours.  (I’m already crazy- just don’t tell anyone)

I’m allergic to celebrities too.  I just thought I should add that.  I’m mostly allergic because I’m jealous, and I want to be one.  Yes, the center of attention, throwing the paps out of bathrooms, walking around with a sheet over my head, and whining about it to them constantly.  What can I say?  I’m an attention whore.

I need to go take something for my allergies.  It’s a ridiculously overpriced tablet that gets me all wound up and sniffle free.